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The current period signifies a full decade since the term “ghosting” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to navigate love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {